


"Aromantic" has a red squiggly line under it so you know it's wrong

by cryptidstan



Category: Polygon/McElroy Vlogs & Podcasts RPF
Genre: Aromantic, F/M, Identity Issues, M/M, Multi, Not much of anything tbh, Self-Doubt, affirmation is powerful, no plot but also no porn, shhhh im def not desperately projecting, yeehaw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-04-06 23:53:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19073233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cryptidstan/pseuds/cryptidstan
Summary: Doubt creeps in. Affirmation from loved ones pushes it back out.





	"Aromantic" has a red squiggly line under it so you know it's wrong

**Author's Note:**

> okay I know like almost for a fact that Simone will find this fic eventually bc she’s talked about being aware of polygon fanfic, so HI SIMONE!!! I guess I’m sorry that I am using you to project onto, but also I am definitely not sorry that I wrote this. Sometimes I’m just a cool teen who literally doesn’t have any other bisexual aromantic representation in my whole ass life, and it’s good to have somebody who is both functional and hella rad to use as a role model, and also sometimes U Just Gotta Project Onto Your Faves. Anyways pls don’t sue me. To everyone else: hope u get that this is def fiction, and i’m just using this as a space

It wasn’t that Simone didn’t like romance as an idea. Hell, she was a queer romance author— being anti romance would just be bad business. But honestly? It just wasn’t for her.

As she lay beside Pat, though, (who lay beside Brian), and listened to their slightly out-of-sync breathing, she felt the doubt creep in.

It was just. They seemed so happy together!!

Dating seemed to be working really well for them. And she wasn’t against romance! So it was _totally_ fine, good, great, that they made each other happy. Of course she wanted them to be happy! Their happiness made her happy. Everybody was **definitely happy.**

Ugh. Simone rolled over, carefully enough to not disturb the boys, but with a little huff and a tug of the blankets that wasn’t strictly necessary. Now, instead of staring at how the light pollution from the window caught Pat’s hair and Brian’s eyelashes, Simone had nothing to look at but a wilting floor plant and a blank wall. She tugged on the blankets a little more.

The thing was, she really wasn’t jealous of them. She definitely didn’t want what they had. Maybe it was normal to want that, to want to find The One, but honestly the whole concept of dating seemed exhausting. Simone was tired enough, thank you very much.

It wasn’t that she never had crushes. Trust her, she definitely did. She would get obsessed with people, write gay poetry that she’d never show them, get really into whatever they were into just so they’d have more to talk about, the whole nine yards. She had even functionally harbored crushes on both the boys she was in bed with right now. But she’d never wanted to actually date any of her crushes.

It usually came down to not seeing a scenario where she’d date somebody who wasn’t the type of person she hung out with anyways: people who were rad, and skilled in ways she’d never be. When Brian had been hired, for example, her crush was almost instant. Not only was he cute and talented, he was also deeply charismatic. So really, when he’d drop his voice a bit for a spicy one-liner, and then smirk and wink at her out of the corner of his eye before carrying on like nothing happened? Who was she to _not_ fall for him? Or when he’d whip out his musical skills, singing little ditties with so little effort that it might have been purely subconscious, and talked about song writing in ways that made it clear how deep his musical knowledge was? Honestly, it was just unfair.

But here, she hit a catch 22, because she didn’t want to date that type of person either. What made them rad was that they were already rad on their own. Simone liked hanging out with these people because she liked feeling like she was rad too, just by proximity.

So what would she do about it? Never date anybody ever?? Run through a series of sexual partners while denying herself the emotional benefits of relationships??? Continue on like this, on a level of operation that might just be a manifestation of her anxiety, until she found herself still alone in twenty years because nobody wanted to date someone with so little emotional experience???

**Stop**. Deep breath. Unclench the fingers from the blankets. Stop the spiral, it goes nowhere.

Simone rolled back over, rolled onto Pat. Manners be damned, she was teetering on an anxiety attack and deserved to prioritize her own health. She told herself this as a mantra as she bumped into Pat, trying to avoid the guilt for waking him.

“ _Hey, Pat,_ ”

“ _Wha-_ “

“Should I date people?”

“What? No. You’re way too powerful ‘n chaotic for that kinda mess.”

A warmth filled Simone. “...Thanks, Pat.”

“No prob, Bob,” Pat replied, and rolled back over into Brian’s mess of limbs.

It wasn’t a solution. Simone knew that. Being chaotic and powerful wasn’t an actionable long term plan, didn’t satisfy her deeper anxieties. But goddamn, affirmation was strong. If Pat had internalized her power so deeply that it was his first response when half asleep, then she could too. She would too. In the meantime, she could maybe finally sleep. Might as well throw an arm around Pat and try.


End file.
